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The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person Paperback – March 4, 2021

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 1,604 ratings

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From the perspective of the friend everyone should have, Frederick Joseph offers an essential read for white people who want to be better about race—and people of color who long to see their experiences validated.

“We don’t see color.” “I didn’t know Black people liked Star Wars!” “What hood are you from?” For Frederick Joseph, life in a mostly white high school as a smart and increasingly popular transfer student was full of wince-worthy moments that he often simply let go. As he grew older, however, he saw these as missed opportunities not only to stand up for himself, but to spread awareness to the white friends and acquaintances who didn’t see the negative impact they were having and who would change if they knew how.

Speaking directly to the reader, The Black Friend calls up race-related anecdotes from the author’s past, weaving in his thoughts on why they were hurtful and how he might handle things differently now. Each chapter includes the voice of at least one artist or activist, including Tarell Alvin McCraney, screenwriter of Moonlight; April Reign, creator of #OscarsSoWhite; Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give; and eleven others. Touching on everything from cultural appropriation to power dynamics, “reverse racism” to white privilege, microaggressions to the tragic results of overt racism, this book serves as conversation starter, tool kit, and invaluable window into the life of a former “token Black kid” who now presents himself as the friend many of us need. Back matter includes an encyclopedia of racism, providing details on relevant historical events, terminology, and more.
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Walker Books Ltd. (March 4, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1529500613
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1529500615
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.08 x 0.63 x 7.8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 1,604 ratings

About the author

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Frederick Joseph
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Frederick is a two-time New York Times bestselling author of The Black Friend (2020) and Patriarchy Blues (2022), Better Than We Found It (2022) and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - The Courage to Dream (2022). He was recognized for the International Literacy Association’s 2021 Children’s & Young Adults’ Book Award, is a 2019 Forbes 30 Under 30 list-maker for marketing and advertising, an activist, philanthropist, and poet.

Frederick was also honored with the 2023 Malcolm X and Dr. Betty Shabazz Vanguard Award, the 2018 Comic-Con Humanitarian of the Year award and is a member of the 2018 “The Root 100" list of Most Influential African Americans.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
1,604 global ratings
The perfect playbook to learn to be anti-racist.
5 Stars
The perfect playbook to learn to be anti-racist.
This book is such an easy read with notes along the way and he includes an encyclopedia! He includes humor and honesty while opening my eyes. I thought I was an ally but now I have the right information in order to truly be an ally!
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2021
You know how some people say, “I can’t be racist – I have a Black friend.”? Frederick Joseph wants to be that Black friend. And he sees the Black friend’s job as, “the person who is willing to speak the truth to the white people in their lives, to call them out when they do or say something hurtful, ignorant or offensive.” His goal is to help readers go from people who are learning about race and racism to people who are actively working to solve the problems created by racism – in other words, anti-racists.

The Black Friend is written for young adults but it would be great for adults as well, especially for those who are just beginning the work of becoming an anti-racist. Each chapter covers a different general topic – affirmative action, cultural appropriation, colorblindness, etc. At the end of each chapter, he interviews a prominent person of color, like Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give and April Reign founder of the #OscarsSoWhite movement.

Joseph writes with a conversational tone and weaves in his personal story throughout the book. His journey to adulthood had some missteps and awkward moments so he doesn’t talk down to the reader. His sense of humor keeps the book entertaining as well as informative. He includes an Encyclopedia of Racism at the end with helpful information that everyone, especially teens, may not know, like what Brexit or the Tulsa Race Massacre is. Putting it at the end helps the body of the book flow more easily. There are a few other extras at the end, like a playlist and recommended reading.

I loved this book. I think it should be required reading for high school students. It’s a quick read but packed with information written in a way that is easily digestible for kids and adults as well. The only times I was reminded that I was reading a young adult book were when he would say things like he was so old he watched The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, as if the reader wouldn’t have heard of that show. Or that he’s so old he remembers when YouTube started. Um, I remember when the internet started!

Highly recommended.
16 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2020
First, let me say I am a white man and bought this book to support a Black author and to keep doing work on myself to understand how to be an ally, accomplice, and better anti-racist. Frederick does a really nice job of laying out the issues, sharing his story which is deeply insightful and personal, and highlighting what to see in yourself as well as what NOT to say and do. I appreciated the glossary (yup, there are definitions of terms you need to know as a reader) as well as the call outs to certain things (like, go listen to a song or look something up) if you didn't have the context.

Second, the book reads easy and informal and straightforward...in a good way. It is similar to Ibram X. Kendi's 'How to be an Anti-Racist' in the way it progresses through experiences as Frederick grows up and lives through the events. It was so readable that I sat and read it in one evening and just couldn't put it down. It made me laugh out loud at least twice and also compelled to think hard about things I had said and done when I was younger.

Finally, I recommend this book to anyone looking to listen to the story of a Black man who opens up about his story and explore what you should do in response. I strongly recommend this book for young people, young men specifically, and young white men even more specifically. Frederick writes in a way allowing the reader to empathize with his experience while assessing their own biases and actions at the same time. I have three boys and they will all be reading this book in the next several years. A humble and deeply appreciative thank you to Frederick Joseph for sharing his story with us and the world.
108 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2024
This book is a keepsake. It has many of the things my mama told me growing up and things I've experienced in my 63 years of life. I highly recommend this book to anywho wants to be an accomplice.
Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2023
So glad I bought this book. Mr. Joseph's writing is engaging, insightful, witty, thoughtful and easy to read. As a white woman in the Midwest, I greatly appreciate how he uses his experiences to inform people like myself on how to show up and be better cohabitants of this earth and how to break through so many of the racist instincts that society conditioned us to have. Highly recommend, may even read it twice before I pass it on to my sister to read. Take notes! Will definitely be reading his other books.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 26, 2022
The author articulately points out various ways that people of African descent have to deal with racism in every breath they take in the USA. Things that as a white person, I have always taken for granted are things people of color cannot say the same about. It is empowering though in that the author encourages the reader to be active in anti-racism. By remaining silent in the face of racism is to only encourage the aggressor, and the author is able to articulate exactly why if you are not consciously working to combat racism, you are only making the problem worse. It is not written in a accusatory manner though, I took it as motivation to help make change in the world for the better.
6 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 20, 2020
I didn't read the book myself. It was a gift for my 14 year old son. He finished it in just a few days and couldn't resist sharing thoughts and excerpts with me along the way.
6 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 31, 2023
Excellent information. I want more.
Reviewed in the United States on March 4, 2022
Love this book. As a white person struggling to understand white privilege, microagressions, and other “subtle” forms of racism and bigotry, Mr. Joseph’s stories provide examples of what those behaviors look and feel like to him and others. He also shared stories of racism in his own life - how authority figures like teachers had acted in a racist manner - that helps me have a better idea of what to see - and avoid - in myself and others. He explains why it’s important to speak up and when.

He also explains how & why certain movements came to be, and what those of us with light skin can do to create positive change in society.

I highly recommend this book. It’s an easy read, clearly written.
5 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Moira Irving
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!!!
Reviewed in Canada on April 22, 2021
This book is absolutely phenomenal! Fredrick Joseph is a very talented writer, I felt it was an easy read, and his life stories will both inspire you and break your heart. This book should be mandatory material for high schoolers and all teachers. Honestly this book should be a mandatory read for everyone.
Kerrydad
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 9, 2021
Some of this I already knew intellectually but the importance of Frederick Joseph's book was that it made me engage on the emotional level. I may be
too old to get the film and musical references but I am determined to educate myself. A great and necessary book.
2 people found this helpful
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Cliente Amazon
5.0 out of 5 stars Da leggere
Reviewed in Italy on May 20, 2021
Un libro davvero interessante, lo consiglio a tutti. Fa molto riflettere.
Angela M
5.0 out of 5 stars We learned a lot and it sparked many helpful conversations.
Reviewed in Canada on February 27, 2022
I learned a lot about some of the harmful mistakes that I have made in my own life and how to do better going forward.
Nikki Stratton
5.0 out of 5 stars White people we need to do more!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 25, 2021
What a fantastic book. The author has articulated, beautifully, his experiences into a eye opening view of the moral decay this society suffers. It gives us an insight into simple things we can do to try and change this world. Brave and raw.
One person found this helpful
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